saying goodbye

i have never dealt with death well in my life. today is no different - i still cannot really handle the reality of a life coming to an end. i am hoping writing will allow me to get through what i cannot say in words.

my neighbor, Mr. Stone, passed away because he suffered on stroke during heart surgery. he was 82 years old. and he was an amazing man. i am so sad to know that he will no longer be part of our lives. i cannot even express how i feel.

married with 2 children and 4 grandchildren, Mr. Stone always had a smile, kind words and a hug for me. he proudly served in WWII and always had a story to tell. he collected aluminum cans and plastic recyclable bottles from the neighbors to earn money for a scholarship fund. until very recently, he would come over often to kick the ball around in the front yard with my kids and tell them how big they were getting, ask how they were doing in school, say how proud he was when they said they were doing well and tell them how lucky they were to have me for a mom. he constantly told me how proud he was of me for going back to school and the way i was raising the kids.

he leaves behind his wife, children, grandchildren, many friends and neighbors like myself who will greatly greatly miss him. goodbye Mr. Stone. i hope you knew how much you were loved

it's been a long long week

it started out fabulous: my sweetie and i packed up our monkeys and headed out to the Navajo Reservation in Arizona for the Memorial Day weekend. the drive is long about 12 hours but the kids are great travelers and even without a DVD player to keep them entertained we made it there without whining, crying, or arguing! i love those kids and are so proud of them when they figure out ways to get along. the best part of the trip besides it being our first family vacation together was that we were able to make the trip with my sweethearts parents and brother.

the weekend was amazing! it is just incredible beautiful out there in the desert, away from the noise, traffic, and congestion of the city. the weather was perfect and the chance to just get away from the business of my everyday life was truly a blessing. i appreciated the extra time with my love and with the monkeys and the chance to get to meet my new family! everyone was so welcoming and incredibly generous, i felt truly welcomed and honored to be part of such a loving family.

so where does the long part of the week come in? monday, early afternoon. we were on our way home. still in arizona and headed to laughlin for the night when my cell phone rang. it was my mom and she began the call with the words "i'm afraid i'm not calling with very good news." my heart just dropped. my grandmother had taken a terrible fall during the night, was in the hospital, non responsive and the prognosis from the doctors was that she very well may not make it thru the night. and i am about 10 hours away from home!

instead of driving to laughlin for the night and getting home on tuesday we just drove straight home. i didn't really even have to ask jerry or explain to him that i wanted to come home early. he just asked me once what i wanted, i asked 'can we go home?' he said yes, spoke to his parents briefly and we were on our way! i am so thankful for his understanding and willingness to support me and the kids and so thankful for his love. i am thankful for the understanding, love and support of his family as well. although we were all sad to have our play time together cut short, they all just wanted me to let me come home to my family. i won't ever be able to put into words properly what that meant to me.

we arrived home late monday night and i was able to get to my parents tueday morning. i had tried to call but was unable to get a hold of anyone and so i was terrified of what the news would be. i arrive at the hospital at 11 to find my mother with my grandma. she was doing better than the previous day and while although still detached from reality, she was having moments of clarity. she was extremely weak and coming in and out of consciousness. since she had no broken bones or serious injuries from her fall, the doctor's were looking to send her to a rehab facility to hopefully get her back in her wheelchair and back to her own apartment. i spent the rest of that day with my mom, gathering things for my grandmother and looking at local rehab nursing facilities. we found one in town, just a few blocks from my home in fact.

i returned to school on wednesday but have spent most of my free day time with my grandmother and helping my mom with arrangements and continuing to take care of arrangements for my grandmother. we have cleaned the floors in her apartment and cleaned out the fridge and gathered clothing items for her to wear in the rehab facility. in between i have tried to read and study for my summer classes, hug my kids and spend time with jerr. it's been hard and overwhelming.

mostly, my heart hurts to see my grandmother compromised, in pain, scared, and mentally unstable. i do not know how well she will recover from her fall and if she will be able to return home nor if she will even be with us much longer. while she is making some progress, she is not at the same time. she is currently not eating and has only gotten out of bed and into her chair once this week no matter how much coaxing and in some cases, pleading, has been done. i will be forever grateful to have the moments of her mental clarity to let her know how much she means to me and how many valuable life lessons she has taught me.

for now, i will end with the most significant advice she gave me during a particularly rough time in my life. i will never forget her words and i think of them each day:

faith, hope, strength and love
have faith in yourself and in god
keep hope that things will be as they should be
be strong and believe in your strength
always love with all your heart and know you are loved that way in return.

a plate too full

it has been way too long since i have been able to sit down and just write. the main reason being i started summer classes. i was really excited to take a summer English course. i was all signed up only to learn, last minute, it was going to be canceled due to low enrollment. i chose a different course and had to figure out after school and summer childcare. then i learned the class, which i thought was 12 weeks long, is only 6 weeks long! not that big of a deal - it means a lot more work because it condenses 15 weeks of instruction into just 6, but it also means i still get a summer vacation. i figure it is a decent payoff. except for just one little thing.......and this is where i always begin to seriously doubt my logic.......i thought it would be a great idea to sign up for a 2nd summer class and chose to take my last required semester of spanish. so now i am cramming another class into an already ridiculous 6 week schedule.

so for the last week all i have done is school work. i have been able to cook dinner and help with kids homework but that is about it. i have new curtains that need to be hemmed still pinned hanging in my bedroom, piles of clutter that need to cleared, floors that need to be swept and vacuumed, a shelving unit that needs to be completed for my boys room, dogs that need to be walked, kids that need to be played with and a sweetie that needs some serious cuddle time, not to mention the pile of books waiting to be read 'just for fun' and this blog that needs some serious love as well.

i get a bit overwhelmed when i think about the next 5 weeks and the 9 short novels and the language i should be close to mastering by the end of it all, but i still believe the hard work will be worth it! it is only 6 weeks and then i will have a whole 5 weeks off until the fall semester starts. i figure i am getting the best of both, knocking off 2 more required courses and still getting the majority of the summer to do nothing but relax and play with my family (ok ok, i know the dishes and the cleaning and the clutter and the pups will still be there but let a girl live in the bliss of denial just for a bit...) until next time which hopefully won't be another week from today - take care of yourselves and get an extra hug from someone...it'll make you both feel better :O)

menu plan 5/14/07

Happy Monday Everyone! I hope all you fabulous mom's had a wonderful Mother's Day! Menu planning has not only saved me a bunch of time and whining about going to the store AGAIN?! but it has also saved me a bunch of cash! I didn't quite believe it and thought maybe it was just a fluke the first week but then I took the time to go over my bank statement and realized I am saving money by only going to the store once a week! BONUS! I am sure it is because when I am dashing to the store while frazzled, I have been buying things that I don't need or that I already have on hand. Besides that, I am usually going to the store when I am hungry and that is just a seriously bad idea :O)

We had a winner last week with Tamale Casserole - not much of a surprise, it is always a favorite in this house. The kids actually cheered when they heard it was on the menu. The Split Pea Soup w/ chorizo was a new dish in this house and it was OK but it was a bit thin. I would suggest cutting the liquid down to help thicken it up a bit. Here is what is on the menu this week.

Monday - leftovers from the fabulously yummy Mother's Day Dinner w/ my folks
Tuesday - Navajo Tacos
Wednesday -BBQ Spare Ribs w/ potato salad
Thursday - Refrigerator Medley
Friday - Boboli Pizza (movie night)
Saturday - Chicken Enchiladas
Sunday - Baked Pasta (well sort of)

Happy Monday to you all and for more menu ideas or to join in, visit Laura the Organizing Junkie

SMART Habits - week 3

Another Saturday......another habit! I'm beginning to think that I should add SMART Habits Saturday to my new habits list!

Last week, I set out to drink more water. I definitely need to keep working on that one! I did better in that I drank A LOT less Diet Coke this week than I usually do but half of the days, I fell short of my 64 oz of water goal. On those days, I drank only 32 oz of water. I'm not getting down on myself because I have made progress and I know I will keep working on it. I did learn a couple of interesting things this week: 1) the more water I drink, the more I crave water, and 2) I drink DC every time I crave something sweet, which unfortunately for me is ALL OF THE TIME! So this week, I will work on finding a healthier substitute for satisfying my sweet tooth. I am thinking along the lines of Crystal Light of a piece of fruit or maybe a diet flavored iced tea. Hopefully those will work. Any other suggestions?

I am also going to add the habit of walking at least 3 days each week. The pups could use the exercise too and it would be a fun way to spend time with my monkeys and my sweetie too! We live in a great neighborhood and so close to a nature preserve which is a wonderful place to explore. Along with the weather being so fabulous at the moment, I really don't have any excuses for not doing so.

Happy trails for me and for you too! :o)