a note from the doctor

I went to my doctor a couple of weeks back to get an all around check-up. I figured it was time since I cannot remember my last physical and I also had some things I wanted to discuss with him. Among these, I wanted to know what is causing the most incredible headaches I have ever experienced in my life!!

A few looks in my eyes and ears followed by questions w/ some yes's and no's from me and the doctor gives a what he called a preliminary diagnosis of migraines. I would've much rather he just waved his magic stethoscope and pronounced my headaches Gone Forever - what else are they learning in all those years of medical school if not how to magically make me feel better on demand?!

He also ordered at CT scan, "just to check", since I have never experienced headaches like this before. Even though the whole idea of getting my head x-rayed completely freaked me out, I obediently went that appointment the following week.

I arrived home today and find a note in the mail from my doctor. It reads "Dear patient, Your CT scan is normal. The headaches are most likely just migraines as we previously discussed. Sincerely, Doctor Man." Um, yeah. I have a couple of problems with that: 1) where is the sympathy for my pain and my lollipop for being such a good patient? 2) 'most likely' does not sound like a very sound diagnosis to me, and most importantly, 3) 'just migraines' ....WHAT?! Obviously said by someone who has never experienced a migraine before because if you have ever had one you would never ever put the word 'just' in front.

These headaches are 'just' the most excruciating pain I have felt in my life - outside of labor- but at least I got something really cool at the end of that! These most likely migraines give me nothing but pain, force me to bed, and make me very lonely because in the middle of it all I really do need to be left completely alone to suffer through it - light and sound only make it worse. It is as if the monkeys in my head are using ice picks, sledge hammers, jack hammers, regular hammers, clubs, tooth picks, shovels, hatchets, drills and dynamite to hack their way out of my skull. It looks like my mom was right all these years when she told me I was being thick headed about things because the monkeys have yet to escape!

you only think your house is clean

that is until you have to move everything for the carpet cleaner.

oh my! i could have let him do it but then i would have turned a whole new shade of red watching him run in fear of the dust bunnies; not to mention the trash that found its way into the depths behind the boys' dressers and the abyss under their bed. i suspected that was how they were choosing to clean their rooms but i was happy living in denial and besides, what i didn't know (for sure) wasn't hurting!

needless to say, when those monkeys come home from their dad's they will have many bags to sort through! i may have had to round everything up but there was no way i was going to be the sucker that did all of the cleaning.

as a reward for my hard work, i have lovely clean carpets that are missing stains that have been there for years. is it strange that i am missing them a little bit too?

temper tantrums

oh how glad i am that my monkeys have out grown those!!! i was over at Rocks In My Dryer and i read this post which brought back a whole lot of memories....

ONCE upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl who was the queen of the land of tantrums. she had traveled long and wide gracing many stores, restaurants, family and friends with her all tantrum glory.

one day, the queen and her royal subjects (meaning myself and a good friend of mine) were at the park near our castle. when it came time to leave so the queen could get some much needed beauty sleep, the queen did not want to go, she was much too busy being entertained by the rulers of the neighboring king and queendoms. but as all queens know (and as some learn the hard way), being the queen does not always mean that you get what you want. and so, the queen began a lovely (horrendous) display of her royal temper tantrum glory.

at this point, i wish i could have thought of something like hosing her down to cool her off but sadly i did not. the tantrum went on long enough to attract the attention of the other kings and queens that day at the park and their loyal subjects. have i mentioned my daughter does not look like me?... at all?!

me: blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin
the queen: black hair, brown eyes and brown skin

i spent many years convincing people i was not the sitter or the auntie but the mommie and this day, i didn't have much luck. as my little queen yelled and screamed about not wanting to leave, someone in the park called the calvary thinking that perhaps, i was trying to remove her majesty from her kingdom without permission.

the knights arrive, sirens blazing and it just gets worse. i should also mention, the queen is about 2 yrs old and is completely capable of speaking short sentences, understanding the subjects around her and, most important to this story, knows that i am and know how to call me mommie! but for whatever reason (i still think it was completely out of spite and to punish me for ruining her tour of her kingdom) when the nice knight in uniform asked the queen if i was her mommie she said "NO!"

well hilarity ensued which included calls to relatives and her dad having to come to the park with a copy of her birth certificate to prove that i really was the queen's royal subject and allowed, by royal decree, to transport her around her kingdom.

there must be a fairy godmother out there that puts spells on us moms to allow us to love our little kings and queens no matter what and to laugh off the ways they stretch us to our limits instead of yelling "off with her head!!!" because without my fairy god mother, i would not be able to say

and they lived happily ever after...

pop pop! quiz quiz!

do you know what time it is?
school is back believe it!
success you can achieve it! ...

that little diddy is from my favorite commercial on the tele these days. i laugh every single time i see it! it's the staples "back to school" commercial and if you need a little fix like i do every now and then, you can watch it here. i especially like the dress shoes and socks that the dad has chosen to wear with his cheer leading outfit.

all this of course brings me to my post for today. it is finally back to school time for our household! this year the kids are all going to a new school and so they are each excited and nervous all at the same time. wonder how much sleep they will actually get? :O)

for my monkeys, waiting for the first day of school is like waiting for christmas - they just can't wait! and i'm not being sarcastic about it! i get excited too but it is still a little sad at times. they will now be spending most of their time away from home and i'm going to miss them! i'll have my pouting face on after i've dropped them off in the morning and as i head to my own school for the day.

this year, i must admit, i am looking forward to it as well. it means that we will all be back on a routine and this household always dose better when we get into a grove. things seem to get done more often when we are busy and the procrastination seems to drop off for all of us (me included). i think it is because, we lose the "i can just do that later" excuse.

either way, tomorrow will be a mixed emotion, for all of us i am sure, and i doubt i'll get much more sleep then the monkeys will tonight.

i forgive

forgiveness. this is something i have been working on recently. in particular, forgiving myself for the past. i have what i think to be a really wonderful life. a wonderful man who loves and supports me, 3 amazing kids who are all healthy and safe, parents who are incredibly supportive and, good friends, a home to live in and food to put on the table....the list could go on and on!

and yet there are days (many recently) when the budget is extremely tight and it is hard to get just the daily necessities let alone the little extra things, or when i find that i don't have the time to get all the things around the house done that need to be done or that i would like to do, or when i have to look at my sweet little ones' faces and tell them "not now" because i have school work to finish......on these days my soul is sad. i wonder "what if?..."

i'm a young mom. by that i mean i was just a kid myself when my daughter was born, 19 yrs old to be exact. i put off my education to work and help make ends meet and to be what i hoped was a good mom to my lovely little daughter. add a few years and two sons in the mix and i still haven't gone back to school and i am still struggling to make ends meet in a marriage that was anything near stable or happy.

i look back on so many decisions i made out of fear and ironically out of trying to make up for past mistakes - those decisions just led to more mistakes. and so i sit here wondering what if i hadn't become a mother so young? what if i found the guts and the day to pursue my education 15 years ago instead of 3 years ago? would i financially independent? would i be able to say yes to my kids more often? would i be less scared of messing up a marriage to a man i truly love and who in everyway is good to me and for me? would i have more faith and confidence as a parent and in myself? who knows?!

on the hard days i look back and wish i had done so many things differently. i've been doing that quite a bit lately and then i found this post and found something to hold on to. heather of desperately seeking sanity reminded me that i've gotten where i am because of the past - good and bad. and that in the end, it (the past) is irrelevant! what matters is who i am today and where i am going. i have learned a great deal from my mistakes as well as my accomplishments and have overcome many challenges. i am incredibly fortunate enough to have my children and to have found a man who i am so proud to call my love and if having them means having to have accept the bumps that have come along with the journey then so be it!

hopefully, i'll continue to learn how to hold on to that thought and learn to let myself off the hook - after all, i know how to do that for others, why don't i derserve the benefit of the doubt as well