new (good for me) habits

I have learned a great deal since entering the blog world. One of the best things I have learned is that I am not alone - there are many women, moms, sisters, friends, daughters, fiances (wives) out there that think about and face many of the same things I do on a daily basis. Another of my favorite new discoveries is that I have learned that there are some really amazingly fabulous women who have not only implemented really helpful strategies in their own lives but are willing to share and help the rest of us do the same. Thank you ladies, I am very grateful!

With that said, I came across this little beauty that I just can't wait to get started on. It's SMART Habits Saturday! Sounds great and certainly like something that will be very very good for me. I have tried to start new healthy, good for me habits but never seem to make them a reality. I think my problem (besides being lazy) is that I've never had accountability.....I am hoping that sharing my habit goals with the rest of you will help me stay on target. My only problem at the moment is deciding which habit to start this week...........hmmmmmm

Thinking back to last week, I think I will choose what I struggled with the most. Since returning to school, I have realized that getting my life organized is a must. I have made some progress but one area that I just cannot seem to get together is weekly dinners. I find myself making multiple trips to the store to get ingredients needed and , sadly I am not exaggerating when I say, I went to the market every single day last week because I had not decided what to cook each night until I picked up my boys from school - or worse until about an hour before dinner should be on the table! We were all cranky with the extra trips out of the house in the middle of our busy after school routines. It was miserable! and diner time certainly was not as pleasant as it should be for me or my monkeys.

With that said, my new SMART Habit that I will begin this week is planning my weekly dinners ahead of time. My goal is to have a weekly menu in place by Sunday afternoon which will give me the opportunity to figure out exactly what I will need for the week and give me time to go to the market to get everything in only one trip. I already feel more relaxed just thinking about it.

Wish me luck! (and lots and lots of motivation and follow thru)

A Fun (and easy) Contest

I was reading around in the blog world and came across a contest sponsored by Madison's Room You can enter for your chance to win these adorable hair clips for your little princess! Just visit this post and follow instructions. Basically all you have to do is sign Mr. Linky, leave a comment, add a link and your done! So easy and so worth it if you win! these little clips are just so cute!

It's been one of those days

It's been a rough couple of days for me. Extremely busy and not so pleasant in other ways. The busy part comes from it being the end of the semester. Finals are next week and I never feel prepared! I will get through it and do fine - I have in the past, I can't really imagine it being that different this time around. In some ways it is wonderful to know that I am one semester closer to graduating (With a graduation date estimated at 2010, it can seem never ending at times) but at the same time it kind of freaks me out too!

Weird, I know but yet, that is the truth. I think I get freaked out because getting one stop closer to graduating means I am one step closer to graduating! Which means, I am one step closer to being in the real world without the protection of being in school. I'll have to show my stuff and then it's sink or swim baby! That is scary to me. I suppose it stems from my continuing questioning of self and my abilities. I can be so confident in some ways and so not confident in others. I still feel not good enough, and not smart enough and like I won't succeed. It's not so fun when my insecurities pop up. It would be nice if they would make me work harder but what really happens is that it makes me want to quit. I want to give up when I don't think that I will 'make the grade' and it has been a very long and hard journey to learn to fight through that feeling.

Things have been not so pleasant because today, my ex husband and I had our first major argument since our separation 5 years ago. We have tried so hard to keep our relationship civil and work together for the kids and it has worked-for the most part..... I won't go into the details because it would take way too long to explain but I will say that it centered around my feeling like he was skimping on his responsibilities and leaving me to clean up the mess. I lost my temper today - BIG TIME. The kids weren't around - thank goodness! I feel so ashamed for losing my cool like that (even if I still think he deserved it). Perhaps it is the fact that we - well, I'll speak for myself - I have just let things go more often than I should have and therefore, I great deal of frustration and even resentment has been building and it all finally came to a boil. I have let things go because I felt like it just wasn't worth the argument because 1) there are more important things in life and 2) it really wouldn't change his behavior anyway. Today though, I just couldn't let it go any longer and so I didn't, I held on tight and rode it all the way to the end.

I wish I could say I feel better but I don't. I feel exhausted and on top of that, I got a call from my doctor right after the 'discussion' with some unpleasant news - karma? Could be. Sigh.....

a hundred years from now

"A hundred years from now, no one will remember the size of my bank account, the kind of car I drove or what type of house I lived in. What will matter is that I was important in the life of a child." (anonymous)

This is a quote on hold on to and sadly one that I have not thought of in a while. I was reminded when reading a post by another mom sharing her daughter's 100th day of school activity. My own mother shared this quote with me a few years back and it helped me gain a new perspective in life. In a world that is so concerned with and wrapped around image and material items, it is imperative to remember that, in the end, there really are more important things in life.

There are moments when that thought really hits home for me. Like, for example, when my sons run across the playground to give me a hug when I pick them up for school or when my daughter and I giggle as we make cookies (and a mess) together. However, I never remember it more than the times I sneak at peak at my sleeping children and see how peaceful they are; without any cares in the world. It is in that moment that I say a prayer of thanks for their health and their safety, a prayer of thanks for the privilege of the opportunity to be a mother, and a prayer for all the help i need to continue to keep them safe, well, loved and happy.

I hope that in the end of my days here on earth that I have been important in the lives of my children. I hope they will remember that even though I couldn't afford or chose not to give them the latest gizmo or the name brand items and that even though we may not have always agreed with one another, that what I did do for them was accept them for who they are, love them for all their quirks and helped them understand that sometimes it is the simple things in life that matter most.

i will endure

i am chasing the sun

some say

NO!

IMPOSSIBLE!

(she’ll never make it)

i continue

i am chasing the sun

i will run

harder

faster

longer

stronger

i am chasing the sun

i will endure

one day

the sun

will be chasing me