say it aint so!

this friday, april 13th (yes that’s friday the 13th) my oldest child and only daughter turns 13! Eeek a teenager…..nooooooo say it aint so! i cannot believe that my precious little baby girl is already 13 years old. fellow moms out there - you know what i mean: these monkeys grow up way too fast!

so, a teenager huh? i have received condolences from many about the following years and many well wishes and good lucks in dealing with a teenage daughter. but you know what? having a teenager does not worry me at all! i am not scared of the years to come no matter how dark some might think they will be. danielle is a beautiful soul (intelligent, kind, loving, generous, helpful, determined, strong, compassionate….to name a few of her attributes) and even though she does have an attitude on certain occasions, it is nothing to be worried about. i mean, in terms of the other things that i see going on in the lives of her peers, if all i have to deal with is a few rolled eyes and a couple ‘whatevers’ than i will count my blessing and will not complain.

i actually do not anticipate much of a struggle with danielle. she is growing up and will want to do more and more on her own as she explores her independance and i am sure that she will test the limits along the way. but all children do that at all stages in their lives. that is what growing up is all about.

as dani turns 13 i am trying to figure out where the time flew and exactly how quickly the next few years will pass. i realize that she will live more and more of her life outside of the home and away from me. i worry that i haven’t taught her all she needs to know or that i won’t have the time to teach her before she moves on and eventually lives away from home. perhaps it is selfish, but what bothers me the most about he pending teenage years is i the fact that i will miss her dearly. i continually ask ‘how much longer/often will i get to spend mornings or evenings with her watching our favorite TV show (gilmore girls)? how often will i get to make cupcakes or cookies with her w/ our ’special love’? how many more days will we get to go shopping and laugh as we try on the hats in Macy’s? how many more nights will i get to have her sit on my bed and go on and on and on and on and on about what happened at school that day? how many more opportunities will i get to wrap my arms around her and tell her how much she is loved (especially when she has had a bad day)? i have a sneaky suspicion that i won’t get as nearly as much of any of those things that i will want.

i truly treasure the moments i get with her. she was so small and fragile when she was born (a premie weighing 3lbs 1oz) and has grown into a beautiful girl who is strong and determined and sure of herself. i am immensely proud of who she is and the choices she makes on a daily basis. i know that she must grow up and i can accept that. it is, however, a very hard thing for me to learn to let go. my heart is sad to think about the day when she will leave home and as i send her off with all the love and support i have to give her, i will be sad to lose a part of my life that is so important to me.

so having a teenager for me is not so scary except for the fact that i may not be as ready to let her grow up as i should be…